OK, 79 minutes–but who’s counting? In this full-on spoiler discussion of Heavy Rain, Pete Dodd, Greg Sewart, David Vigliotti, James Chilton, and Mike Phillips tear into the story, the characters, and the myriad solutions to one of this year’s most interesting games.

Bizarre Creations’ upcoming combat racer, Blur, has an Xbox 360 beta starting on March 8th–and we have 50 codes to give away. Here’s what you have to do: nothing. Just be one of the first 50 folks to reply below with an email address where we can send your code, and we’ll hook you up. (of course, if you wanted to show your gratitude with an iTunes review or something like that–we won’t stop you, either) See you on the streets!

You could write off Dante’s Inferno as nothing more than an opportunistic God of War hijacking. But you’d be overlooking its genius. Because in the midst of eight hours of abject concept theft, lol-tastic story sequences, and thumb-numbing scythe mashing, Visceral Games does manage to come up with one original, thought-provoking idea: the Devil has a massive penis.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

For as long as I’ve been playing games, about the highest praise that I could give a title was to say, “I can’t wait to play it all over again.” Some of my all-time favorites, like last year’s Uncharted 2, have excited me enough to replay them three or four times within mere months of their release. Mass Effect 2 manages to be something entirely… different. It marks the first time I’ve ever loved a game in such a way that I am staunchly opposed to playing it again, in deference to the unforgettable adventure Commander Shepard and I created.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

So few games are truly for mature audiences—and I’m not talking about tits, dismemberment, and profanity-laced dialogue, here—that you really have to doff your cap to the rare experience that is. The story and themes in Shattered Memories strike just the right tone for grown-ups: it made me feel anxious, frantic, and desperate, in just the right measure. And the story wraps up in an eyebrow-raising ending that’s not so much “OMGWTFBBQ!” as it is, “Wow—that’s pretty goddamn smart.” So, how’s it play? Kinda shitty, honestly.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

You’ve undoubtedly pored over, argued over, and fapped over the 2009 game awards bestowed by all the major gaming news outlets by now. But are you caught up on the selections of the people who really matter (namely, those who actually have to buy their own goddamn games and don’t get paid to play them)? If not, have I got a swell proposition for you…

While you eagerly await our Fourth Annual Sassy Awards (which we plan to record next week, after yet another week hiatus)–the game-of-the-year awards the internet has declared “the definitive word on the year’s finest bits of electronic entertainment,” we’ve compiled a group of similar year-end awards from some of our indie-podcasting comrades. For those shows who do a list of 10 or more, they’re whittled down to the top five selections. You’ll also find handy links to their sites, in case you want to give a listen and hear their rationale. Have a podcast and a list of your own awards? Shoot us an email and we’ll add them below.

4Player Podcast

Brad
1. Dragon Age: Origins
2. Uncharted 2
3. Bayonetta
4. Clash of Heroes
5. Shadow Complex

David
1. Professor Layton and the Diabolical Box
2. Bionic Commando
3. Little King’s Story
4. Pictobits
5. Resident Evil 5

Joseph
1. Dragon Age: Origins
2. Demon’s Souls
3. Bayonetta
4. Resident Evil 5
5. Borderlands

Nick
1. Borderlands
2. Uncharted 2
3. Modern Warfare 2
4. Assassin’s Creed II
5. The Saboteur

BMI TV

Simon DI:
1. inFamous
2. Uncharted 2
3. Killzone 2
4. Shin Megami Tensei: Devil Survivor
5. Forza Motorsport 3

Pat Preezy:
1. Uncharted 2
2. MLB 09: The Show
3. God of War Collection
4. WWE Smackdown 2010
5. NBA 2K10

CAGCast

CheapyD: Red Faction: Guerrilla

Wombat: Fallout 3

Critical Strike

Kyle:
1. Dragon Age: Origins
2. Fallout3 DLC
3. Pokemon Platinum
4. Dawn of War 2

Josh:
1. Street Fighter IV
2. Uncharted 2
3. Shatter
4. Punch-Out
5. Sonic’s Ultimate Genesis Collection

The Digital Cowboys

Alex: Uncharted 2

Tony: Uncharted 2

Drunken Monkey Tech

Winner: Borderlands

Runner-up: Beatles Rock Band

Gamer Dork

Xibxang: Batman Arkham Asylum

Ratso: Beatles Rock Band

Noobtoob Modcast

Sunflower
1. Street Fighter IV
2. Demon’s Souls
3. Batman: Arkham Asylum

Jam
1. Uncharted 2
2. Dawn of War II
3. inFamous

Locke
1. Demon’s Souls
2. Batman: Arkham Asylum
3. Dawn of War II

Player One Podcast

Greg Ford
1. New Super Mario Bros. Wii
2. Uncharted 2
3. GTA: Chinatown Wars
4. Assassin’s Creed 2
5. Batman: Arkham Asylum

CJ
1. Uncharted 2
2. The Beatles Rock Band
3. New Super Mario Bros. Wii
4. Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time
5. inFamous

Greg Sewart
1. Uncharted 2
2. GTA: Chinatown Wars
3. Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time
4. Need for Speed Shift
5. Batman: Arkham Asylum

Phil
1. New Super Mario Bros. Wii
2. Batman: Arkham Asylum
3. Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time
4. Tales of Monkey Island
5. Pokémon Rumble

PSNerds

Pete:
1. Uncharted 2
2. Sacred 2
3. God of War Collection
4. Demon’s Souls
5. New Super Mario Bros. Wii

Billy:
1. Uncharted 2
2. Dragon Age
3. Sacred 2
4. Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time
5. Borderlands

The Rumble Pack

Kaz:
1. Forza 3
2. Modern Warfare 2
3. Uncharted 2
4. Assassin’s Creed 2
5. League of Legends

Tony:
1. Assassin’s Creed 2
2. Uncharted 2
3. Modern Warfare 2
4. Ratchet & Clank: A Crack in Time
5. Demon’s Souls

Justin:
1. Uncharted 2
2. New Super Mario Bros
3. Street Fighter IV
4. Punch-Out
5. Pixeljunk Shooter

Tom :
1. Assassin’s Creed 2
2. Dragon Age
3. Uncharted 2
4. Batman: Arkham Asylum
5. Retro Game Challenge

Some Other Castle

Leah: (in no particular order)
Borderlands
Batman Arkham Asylum
Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story
Uncharted 2
Star Ocean

Elaine: (in no particular order)
inFamous
New Super Mario Bros. Wii
Street Fighter IV
Borderlands
Assassin’s Creed 2

TQ Cast

Desz: Uncharted 2

Juice: Uncharted 2

Video Game Jocks

Vinny: Modern Warfare 2

Paul: Modern Warfare 2

Nick: Modern Warfare 2

Davide: Uncharted 2

]]> http://thefanboys.com/2010/01/07/2009-games-of-the-year%e2%80%94so-say-indie-podcasts/feed/ 6 http://thefanboys.com/2009/12/28/pixeljunk-shooter-reviewed-in-so-many-words/ http://thefanboys.com/2009/12/28/pixeljunk-shooter-reviewed-in-so-many-words/#comments Tue, 29 Dec 2009 03:53:07 +0000 mik http://thefanboys.com/?p=942

The folks at Q may understand better than any other developer how to squeeze maximum impact out of the minute details of a “small” game. Every sound effect, musical refrain, or graphical flourish is a delicious little treat for the senses—and they retain that impact seemingly indefinitely. The gameplay in Shooter delivers in a similar fashion. Equal parts game and science experiment, the fun with physics in Shooter sticks with you long after you’ve completed the game. I only wish it were slightly tougher and lasted a bit longer.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

While it’s relieving to discover that The Saboteur is a fun and fitting send-off for Pandemic (after the trainwreck of Mercenaries 2), it’s also frustrating—because it could have been something truly memorable. The volume of things to explore, drive, scale, and blow-the-fuck-up (and the beautiful WWII Paris setting) are a joy to experience. However, the nagging meters, zones, gauges and other inorganic artifices never allow you to feel like you’re in the world, or completely buy into the story.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

On paper, Borderlands has everything I could ever want in a game. You say “Diablo-style, loot-grabbing dungeon crawler done as quasi-cel-shaded, co-op FPS,” and I say “SOLD.” Who could have guessed that the loot would be so uninteresting, the environments so relentlessly bland, and the enemies so brain-dead (especially the bosses)? It’s really a shame that while the concept is a solid A, the execution is a total Zzzzzzzzzzzz.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

There are many things I expect from a modern Ratchet game: pinpoint controls, inventive weaponry, visuals worthy of an animated feature, and a zany, Looney-Toons-style sense of humor. A Crack in Time fully delivers on those bullet points, then goes on to surprise with an outer-space-roaming open-world structure, time-manipulating puzzles that could be described as “one-player co-op,” and a story that builds to one of the most exhilarating crescendos of any game this year—including Uncharted 2. This is the adventure I always imagined I’d get to play, way back when I was a kid pushing NES buttons.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Looking for the arcade football successor to NFL Blitz? You can keep looking. With Madden Arcade, EA has attempted to create chocolate-chip cookies using the ingredients for a turkey dinner. As a result, it never really has the flavor of an arcade game. Instead it looks and plays like what it is: a stripped-down version of Madden 10.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

GTA IV and its expansions have received mountains of hype and praise for advancing the series in terms of story and character, but it’s this little dynamo that has re-energized the series where it counts for me—the gameplay. The DS version released earlier this year was a strong reminder that GTA was once more about the moment-to-moment pleasure of playing and less about exposition, stripper mini-games, and digital phalluses. The PSP version takes what was already one of the best games of the year, and makes it one of the best handheld games ever.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

How bad is it? Just wretched enough to set back race relations in this country four decades.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Look, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but nit-picking Uncharted 2 is tantamount to Pope Julius telling Michelangelo that, while the Sistine Chapel is a hell of a piece of work, he might have liked it more if Adam’s junk was a bit bigger. It seems a little ungrateful in the face of such a ridiculous bounty, you know? The entire package—both single-player and multi-player—is so polished, adroitly crafted, and fun, that whatever flaws are present become functionally invisible to me. Games like this one don’t come along often. Enjoy it—it’s perfect.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Forget the “…for a Wii game” caveats—Extraction is an exciting, aurally and visually impressive game that captures the atmosphere and, importantly, the feel of the Dead Space universe in an experience that is most assuredly for adults (one unique and shocking scene in particular). And, while there’s no skirting the fact that it’s quite short, the story is so taut and well-crafted (better even than Dead Space’s, honestly) that missing out on it would be a huge mistake.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

When Backbreaker Football was introduced, it was pitched as a Madden-killing physics powerhouse of console football. At long last, the game has been released… on the iPhone. For 99¢. I’ll admit it—I downloaded the game expecting to giggle at what a hot mess it was. Turns out NaturalMotion molded Backbreaker into a clever arcade football challenge (you simply steer your player down the field, dodging tacklers with accelerometer and touch controls) that’s perfectly suited for the iPhone.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Stay tuned for Episode 78–and, feel free to shoot us an email at feedback@thefanboys.com, or drop us a text or voicemail at 757-69-LUNCH. See you this weekend!

Need for Speed Shift’s list of accomplishments is rather impressive: the best, most drivable cockpit view of any racing game out there, a fun and addictive leveling system, sound design that’s second to none, and graphics that blur the line between fantasy and reality. But where Shift truly separates itself from the pack is in its ability to—much like a woman convincing you you’re the best and biggest she’s ever had—make you believe you’re driving a simulation while only demanding arcade racing skills from you.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Beyond the fundamental quandary of whether one should develop a first-person shooter on the iPhone just because they can, it seems Gameloft has become the Weird Al Yankovic of iPhone game development—cranking out one shameless console classic rip-off after another. And, like Weird Al, it’s not funny anymore.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

The beta is underway for MAG, the Playstation 3’s ginormous 256-player online shooter. And Platform Nation is assembling their own army to join the fun. 128 codes are up for grabs, and you’ll have a chance to win one of ten that we’ll be giving away on this weekend’s Lunchcast. But if you want to increase your chances, check out all the other Platform Nation podcasts–each one has their own set of ten codes to offer listeners in the coming week.

EDIT: Codes are all claimed. Thanks for playing, kids.

Scribblenauts occupies a similar—albeit not as hallowed—chunk of real estate in my brain as LittleBigPlanet. And I suspect the game will prove equally divisive. Some will argue the controls are iffy, the solutions to puzzles are seemingly arbitrary, and it’s less a “game” and more a “gimmick.” Those folks will be correct—and completely miss the point. Because, when your logically sound solution to a puzzle meets a frustrating dead end, that’s where Scribblenauts truly begins. At that moment, it’s time to test your imagination, embrace the absurd, and become a kid again.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

After two hours of playing Shadow Complex, I contacted basically every 360 owner I knew to insist that they buy this obvious game-of-the-year candidate. My bad. Turns out Shadow Complex basically runs out of stolen ideas not long after that, and never manages to come up with any of its own. It’s still a really nice throwback game—well worth the time and $15 investment. But it never reaches the promise of its tremendous first impression.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Two things are even more certain in life than death and taxes: a new Madden release, and the heartbreak that follows. Historically, in those dark days of missed opportunities, I’ve always been able to turn to NCAA Football for my fix. Over the past several years, there have been installments of Madden which were, empirically, better football games than NCAA. But they were never as fun. The variety, disparity, and wackiness of NCAA always made it more unpredictable and exciting.

So, when NCAA 10 released and was a clear improvement over last year’s game, I was relatively certain that the pattern would hold. NCAA is an excellent football game, but the improvements are so subtle that, to anyone who hasn’t poured years into the series, they’re hardly noticeable. Madden, by contrast, has stepped up its game to such a degree that it can’t be ignored. Online franchises, a graphical/presentational overhaul, and the incredible Pro-Tak system (which encourages you to never give up on a play), combine to make this a Madden that brings the fun like no installment since Genesis ruled the gridiron.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Between levels in Space Invaders Infinity Gene, the screen blanks and the word “EVOLUTION” is etched across the screen. Whenever this happens, I can’t help thinking that, beyond the connotations the word carries for the game (levels change and evolve as you play more), it’s also an apt description of the state of games on the platform—developers are figuring out what makes a great portable touchscreen game and, in this case, they’ve made an exhilarating, full-featured shooter that’s actually better than last year’s critical darling, Space Invaders Extreme.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

There’s a lesson to be learned here for other developers creating narrative-driven shooters: keep your story very simple so you’re able to tell it very well. Bound in Blood does just that, and then seals the deal by adding gameplay mechanics that never get old (like bursting through saloon doors, fanning the hammer of your revolver at a roomful of cowboys) and a believable old west landscape that can, at moments, take your breath away. Multiplayer is… less impressive.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

“It’s like a new Ghostbusters movie!” If what’s meant by that is that the game drags the franchise down in the same way the original movie’s sequel did, then I’ll agree. The story, dialogue, and locations are inexcusably uninteresting and unfunny, especially coming from the movie’s original creators. Its only saving grace is that wrangling ghosts with your proton stream is seriously fun… until it isn’t.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

We recently had the opportunity to be interviewed for Gavin’s Underground, a cool Salt Lake City blog that covers all sorts of nifty alternative entertainment–artists, bands, and, as it turns out, even foul-mouthed video game podcasters. It’s a small peek behind the scenes of the show and gives you just a taste of how the podcast started, where it might be headed, and some background on the lot of us. Head on over and give it a read–and leave Gavin a comment, if you please!

Tiger Woods 10 isn’t just a convincing case study for how MotionPlus can, in the hands of a skilled developer, turn Wii games into much more rich and rewarding experiences. It’s also one of the rare cases where the Wii version of a game is unquestionably the “big-boy” version—with more courses, more game modes, great online play, and controls so realistic and utterly addictive that the PS3 and 360 versions seem like mere toys by comparison. Only the most hardened console fanboy or strident graphics whore could dare argue otherwise.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Fuel has some of the finest marketing trailers of any game in recent memory. And they lie. What appears to be a seat-of-your-pants off-road racer on the order of Motorstorm is actually a slow, boring slog through a sparse [though admittedly enormous] landscape. Want to just zone out and explore ad nauseum? Rent.

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About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

We’ve been wanting to add game reviews to the site for some time now, but we weren’t sure quite how to tackle that task. Our reticence stemmed from the two things that we really hate about reviews:

1. Reading them.
2. Writing them.

With regard to the first problem, there’s very little that appeals to me less than going to read a review and being faced with this:

There isn’t a game, book, movie, automobile, or [insert noun] for which I will endure a three-page review. When presented with the option to click page three and read the summary with the score, I’ll do that 100% of the time. I need to know three things from a review–do I buy, rent, or pass–and I don’t need three pages to get me to that decision.

As for writing reviews, it’s a taxing, time-consuming, and, ultimately, thankless task (since jerkstores like me are going to cut to the chase anyway–or worse, go right to metacritic for the aggregated score). I feel bad for the poor sod who has to write three pages about Punch Out . . . let alone a foul turd like Terminator Salvation.

So, here’s our solution: Reviews… in so Many Words. We’ll be reviewing games on a 100-point scale, or rather, a 100-word scale. So, if a game is awful, our challenge will be to let you know in, say, 50 words or fewer why that’s so. Similarly, we’ll have, at most, 100 words to convince you that a game is worth your cash.

We’ll also welcome your reviews in the comments for each of ours. Give us your assessment in so many words, and we’ll compile our average listener’s score alongside ours–to see just how out of the loop we are.

Keep your eyes peeled–our first reviews will start going up tomorrow night.

Cast Medium

Their latest installment features Chris Johnston (CJ), host of the Player One Podcast, former EGM editor, and current games producer for Adult Swim. And, in a delightful turn of events, CJ lists Ye Olde Fanboys Lunchcast among his three favorite shows. Being name-dropped by anyone is pretty darn cool. But being name-dropped by one of the hosts of the podcast that causes you to click “refresh” in your iTunes window every Sunday like a smack addict aching for a fix–well that’s just gratifying beyond measure. Many thanks to CJ–And if you haven’t listened to P1P yet, it’s time to get your ass over there!