Archive for the ‘Reviews, in so Many Words’ Category

Resistance 3 Reviewed, in so Many Words

Thursday, September 15th, 2011

Resistance 3 is a period shooter where it’s incredibly easy to forget about the era you are supposed to be in. You shuffle along between segments, all of which make you feel like you’re going on a tour of other people’s games, and you can almost hear the developers periodically saying “I hope that you enjoyed that very brief outdoor section that was oddly claustrophobic, because up next there’s a sewer/underground/cave/prison.” But it’s an Insomniac game, so the weapons are amazing.

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Dragon Age II Reviewed, in so Many Words

Tuesday, March 22nd, 2011

There’s a point at which the act of polishing an object moves beyond the realm of disguising imperfections and into removing individuality, texture, and—character. Dragon Age II takes that notion to the latter extreme, and then some. The result is a game that comes off seemingly so small—geographically, technically, conceptually, and narratively—that its central conflict feels about as epic as Jets vs. Sharks… minus the snapping.

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Prince of Persia: The Forgotten Sands Reviewed, in so Many Words

Friday, June 11th, 2010

The Forgotten Sands is Prince of Persia designed by committee. It certainly ticks all the boxes: handsome graphics—check, sweeping, epic soundtrack—check, clever, challenging platforming—check. Yet, despite having some of the most ingenious and fun mechanics of any Prince of Persia game (freezing and unfreezing water, in particular, is a concept that remains perpetually fresh and fun), it’s missing the one thing that has always made the series something special for me: heart.

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Backbreaker Reviewed, in so Many Words

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Who could have guessed that an American football game developed by a bunch of Europeans with the sole intention of showcasing their impressive physics engine would play like an American football game developed by a bunch of Europeans with the sole intention of showcasing their impressive physics engine?

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Mirror’s Edge (iPad) Reviewed, in so Many Words

Sunday, April 11th, 2010

On one hand, Mirror’s Edge is a smart repackaging of the console game—with intuitive touch controls and graphics that showcase the beauty of the iPad’s screen. On the other hand, the actual gameplay is pretty minuscule—both in terms of what you get to do, and the time you get to do it (the “story” levels will take you around an hour). At $12.99, this one begs “price drop.”

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Bioshock 2 Reviewed, in so Many Words

Thursday, March 18th, 2010

Bioshock 2 Pros:

  • A tighter, more coherent story, with a conclusion that’s much more satisfying than its predecessor—and not reliant on a gimmicky twist for its impact
  • Interesting new areas of Rapture that help flesh out its backstory and offer some new gameplay wrinkles, as well (like venturing outside in your Big Daddy suit)
  • The ability to dual-wield plasmids and weapons streamlines the combat, allowing for more tense and hectic encounters
  • Surprisingly polished online multiplayer that is clever, inventive, and fun

Bioshock 2 Cons:

  • It isn’t Bioshock 1

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Dante’s Inferno Reviewed, in so Many Words

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

You could write off Dante’s Inferno as nothing more than an opportunistic God of War hijacking. But you’d be overlooking its genius. Because in the midst of eight hours of abject concept theft, lol-tastic story sequences, and thumb-numbing scythe mashing, Visceral Games does manage to come up with one original, thought-provoking idea: the Devil has a massive penis.

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Mass Effect 2 Reviewed, in so Many Words

Sunday, February 7th, 2010

For as long as I’ve been playing games, about the highest praise that I could give a title was to say, “I can’t wait to play it all over again.” Some of my all-time favorites, like last year’s Uncharted 2, have excited me enough to replay them three or four times within mere months of their release. Mass Effect 2 manages to be something entirely… different. It marks the first time I’ve ever loved a game in such a way that I am staunchly opposed to playing it again, in deference to the unforgettable adventure Commander Shepard and I created.

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Silent Hill: Shattered Memories Reviewed, in so Many Words

Tuesday, January 19th, 2010

So few games are truly for mature audiences—and I’m not talking about tits, dismemberment, and profanity-laced dialogue, here—that you really have to doff your cap to the rare experience that is. The story and themes in Shattered Memories strike just the right tone for grown-ups: it made me feel anxious, frantic, and desperate, in just the right measure. And the story wraps up in an eyebrow-raising ending that’s not so much “OMGWTFBBQ!” as it is, “Wow—that’s pretty goddamn smart.” So, how’s it play? Kinda shitty, honestly.

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.

Pixeljunk Shooter Reviewed, in so Many Words

Monday, December 28th, 2009

The folks at Q may understand better than any other developer how to squeeze maximum impact out of the minute details of a “small” game. Every sound effect, musical refrain, or graphical flourish is a delicious little treat for the senses—and they retain that impact seemingly indefinitely. The gameplay in Shooter delivers in a similar fashion. Equal parts game and science experiment, the fun with physics in Shooter sticks with you long after you’ve completed the game. I only wish it were slightly tougher and lasted a bit longer.

.

About our scale… the number of words in our review reflects the score of the game. In practical terms, you could assume that games reviewed in 49 words or fewer should be avoided, games reviewed in 50-75 words would make a decent rental, and games reviewed in 76 words or more would make a solid purchase.