It gets no more high concept than this: A trio of nerds escape the office, go to lunch, and talk dirty about their various geekdoms (primarily video games) over a chorus of annoying ambient noise. The show has been (aptly) characterized as a podcast about “speculation on the flavor of deity genitalia, toy robots in pornography, poop, and video games.”

We love games. But we may love the absurdity that surrounds them even more—from the blind devotion to a platform, to the naked avarice of a horse armor download. This is the place we’ll grouse about them. If you have voyeuristic inclinations, feel free to read and listen in. If you want to join in, please post a comment. Or if you’d rather send hatemail and spam, drop a line to feedback@thefanboys.com

 

Meet the Fanboys (and click the pics for bigger versions) …

mik

mik’s love of electronic entertainment was forged in the womb, as his lonely mother turned to the comfort of various self-powered devices on many a cold, manless night. Since those days in the early 1970s, he’s owned and played virtually every gaming platform released. When not wedged into a chair in front of a games console, mik’s hobbies include fly fishing, political correctness, Negro League baseball trivia, and convincing strangers on the internet that he enjoys fly fishing.

 

Sooch

Sooch endeavors to provide crushing orgasmic blows to your ear drum with his nonsense and filth. He escaped his mother’s fruitful latino loins in the mid 70’s and resides in the City of Salt. He has remained a lifetime resident of Zion because, as he likes to say, “Mormon chicks like it in the rump, because they think in the eyes of the Lord they are still virgins.” He loves to buy games more than he loves to play them. Actually he just loves to buy shit in general. When he’s not hoarding totally uneccesary posessions he enjoys eating his health away at every greasy spoon in the valley. 

 

SilentG

I walk a tragic path of tortured dreams
The masses could not ever understand
No medicine can help me drown the screams
They’re in my head because of your demands

Wake up, wake up, your blindness is so clear
The peasant drones are out in force today
Just let me help you see what you should fear
My clothing proves that I’m the better way

Mascara black, not black enough for eyes
Now come there’s sensibilities to shock
The world it stands in awe where I arrive
Words fail them in their suits; they cannot talk

But never let a smile escape my lips
I am a silent messenger of grief
As darkened tears fall toward my fingertips
No hope at all, there will be no relief

I’m haunted by a ghoul I can’t escape
Lament the nightingale with broken wings
To try again? No no it is too late
The heart that’s in my chest has just red-ringed

 

Announcer Guy

• Warning: Pregnant women, the elderly and children under 10 should avoid prolonged exposure to Announcer Guy.
• Caution: Announcer Guy may suddenly accelerate to dangerous speeds.
• Announcer Guy contains a liquid core, which, if exposed due to rupture, should not be touched, inhaled or looked at.

Discontinue use of Announcer Guy if any of the following occurs:

• Itching
• Vertigo
• Dizziness
• Tingling in extremities
• Loss of balance or coordination
• Slurred speech
• Temporary blindness
• Profuse sweating
• Heart palpitations

If Announcer Guy begins to smoke, get away immediately. Seek shelter and cover head.

Announcer Guy may stick to certain types of skin.

When not in use, Announcer Guy should be returned to his special container and kept under refrigeration. Failure to do so relieves the sponsors of Announcer Guy, The Fanboys LLC, and its parent company Kotex, for Him™, of any and all liability.

Ingredients of Announcer Guy include an unknown glowing substance which fell to Earth, presumably from outer space.

Do not taunt Announcer Guy.

Announcer Guy…ACCEPT NO SUBSTITUTES!